Just like a coin, every decision and situation always have two sides; the pros and the cons and so does single parenting.
I’ve been a single parent for a few years now so I’m more aware of what is involved, and I have a few friends who are new to the single parenting club. WELCOME!
Single parenting is something usually none of us are prepared for. When we decided to have a baby, most of us were not contemplating going that journey alone.
There is no book of rules, and no training provided.
Usually, you are literally ‘chucked in off the deep end’, and it is a matter of learning to swim.
Single parents have to understand that their sudden status quo will never be a bed of roses, but rather, there are times when it will fail to make sense to you.
In other words, it will be a bittersweet journey of life that you are never fully prepared for.
Here are the pros and cons
of single parenting …
The Good. The Bad, And The Ugly!
THE 5 PROS
OF SINGLE PARENTING
Let’s start off with the good things about being a single parent.
1. Lack Of Argument Among Parents
Single parents don’t have to worry about family arguments that include their spouse since they never share the same roof over their heads. This creates a peaceful, homely environment for both the child and the single parent.
It is especially noticeable if the other parent was abusive (verbally, mentally or physically) and/or full of drama.
With that sorted, the child/ren and parent can feel more secure and worry less about daily arguments.
Here is a great resource document about fighting parents.
2. More Bonding Time
Single parents enjoy spending more time with their child/ren since they have to be there for each other.
The single parent no longer has to worry about their attention that is divided between caring for the other partner and loving the child/ren. In this case, all attention and love
In this case, all attention and love are towards the child/ren. As a result, the child grows up feeling more loved and cared for.
3. Autonomy And Confidence
Children raised by single parents often grow up into confident and autonomous individuals.
They are not used to having everything done for them as is evident among most children raised by both parents.
They at times have to perform the adult duties that would otherwise have been done by the other parent. As a result, they understand that there are so many things that have to be done by them since the single parent cannot do all that. Organizational skills are more finely tuned.
They are often faced with realities about limited finances and are involved in sharing chores, planning and being a willing helper around the home.
Autonomy is often inspired by the single parent and the children grow up emulating their single parents who most definitely portray everything about hard work and independence.
4. Community Support
Single parents and their children always experience great love and support from both online and offline communities.
It is a type of support that is almost impossible to find in families with both parents since people have a tendency of thinking that those families are completely normal.
Through the communities, a child can link and learn from other children raised by single parents.
The single parent can also get emotional and even financial support from the large community of single parents if need be.
Therefore, both grow up knowing feeling more empowered to look at life on the positive.
They also learn the true meaning of humanity, which is, to be there for each other at a person’s time of need.
5. No More Confusion
In families that have both parents, the father and mother often have different perceptions on how things ought to be done.
The difference can, in fact, be seen in the way each desires to raise the child. One might be too harsh while another too gentle on the child.
Again, one might want the child to stop doing certain activities while the other is okay with the child doing them.
A child, therefore, ends up confused as the expectations of both parents are always at times conflicting.
In a single parent home, it is only one parent who acts as the center of command.
The child is always sure that whatever the parent wants to be done will not be countered by the other parent since that other parent is never around.
THE 5 CONS
OF SINGLE PARENTING
Hate And Lack Of Trust
Abandoned children and single parents can sometimes grow up with so much pain in their hearts.
Their perception of people change, and they can longer trust as they did before. This may hurt their relationships with others if they can never fully allow friends into their world.
It is something that is harder to handle if both the child and the single parent have that negative attitude.
After years of staying with that special person and sharing lives and love together, It is definitely hard to come out of the relationship and immediately adjust to the fact that you will never share a bed with them again.
I remember that feeling at the start of being a single parent.
Cold nights become colder, and there is never an avenue for sharing what is worrying you since your confidant is no longer there with you.
You miss the flowers, the gifts, the love and the attention, and yes – even the cuddles and the back massages.
The child/ren also are left feeling lonely since there is never that one person to celebrate special occasions like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, or being there to help plan a special birthday, Christmas and other celebrations.
3. Work overload
Single parents often have to perform the role of a father and mother.
They have to be the sole breadwinners in the family, perform household duties and follow their child’s school performance.
They also have to ensure that while they discipline their children, these children still feel loved.
It is almost like being a good and bad person at a single moment and that can turn ugly.
This can cause stress as some parents get overwhelmed and confused about the right way to handle particular challenges. Especially those challenges that are not unique to their gender.
Single parents can actually find themselves exhausted as they feel they give and give, with little return.
4. Limited Finances
A single parent often assumes the role of a chief financier of every family project and this can be a HUGE stress.
They have to ensure that house bills are sorted, that family vacations still happen, and that the child’s needs (and wants) are met.
All this is on top of the single parent’s personal financial needs.
Unless the parent is paid heftily by their employer or has inherited some small fortune, handling finances can be a huge stress and can be too much of a burden.
5. Rebellion from child
Prepare for rebellion when things don’t go as planned in the family. Children raised by single parents may tend to be rebellious in some cases since they will be looking for someone to blame for everything that went wrong.
It is sad that any mistake you do as a single parent will be met with so much strife from the child who is likely to feel like things would have been better if there was no breakup.
Children who have experienced the loss of one parent are also likely to exhibit the same, as they compare your parenting styles with that of the other parent.
A lot of pressure can result, and it may be piled on your head as you struggle to ensure that you make the right decisions at all times.
Resource links are placed within this article that might assist you if you are a single parent. Single parenting is not easy at times, but being prepared and facing the possible challenges can assist both you and your child/ren to have a bright and happy future.
Single parent children often grow up to be the best parents. They know what they missed out on and what that missing parent hole felt like in their heart, and so they will do all they can to ensure that doesn’t happen to their kids.
So to all the single parents out there, my final advice is to look after yourself. Your kids need you, so make sure you take steps not to burn out.
Questions and Comments
- Are there moments you feel so overwhelmed parenting your kids as a single parent?
- What lights up your days whenever you feel down?
- Hoping to hear from you through the comments section below.